Chess Explorations (16)
By Edward Winter
Excuses for losing
C.N. 5884 quoted from page 52 of Better Chess by William Hartston (London,
1997):
‘One of the best excuses I ever heard was from a man who had just lost
to a female opponent. “She completely disrupted my thought processes”,
he complained. “Every time I tried to calculate something, I’d
begin: ‘I go here, he goes there’, and then I’d have to
correct myself: ‘No, it’s I go here, she goes there’.”’
G.H. Diggle related another memorable explanation of defeat, concerning ‘the
Lincoln bottom board of 1922, who complained that he had “lost his queen
about the third move and couldn’t seem to get going after that”.’
The reminiscence appeared in an article by Diggle in the August 1979 issue of
Newsflash, reprinted on page 50 of Chess Characters (Geneva, 1984).
On page 66 of Chess Characters Diggle reported a comment which he had
overheard in a league match: ‘Fancy losing to YOU!’
In the present article, though, we shall be looking at the heyday of self-exculpation:
the nineteenth century. A familiar quote was mentioned in C.N. 2051 (see pages
322-323 of Kings, Commoners and Knaves). John Nunn asked which player
originally commented that he had never beaten a healthy opponent, and some readers
subsequently drew attention to the following assertion by B.H. Wood in the 1949
Illustrated London News which was anthologized on page 10 of The Treasury
of Chess Lore by Fred Reinfeld (New York, 1951):
‘It was old Burn, veteran British master of the ’90s, who was
heard to remark plaintively towards the end of his long life that he had never
had the satisfaction of beating a perfectly healthy opponent.’
The same passage (with a repetition of the word ‘never’) was reproduced
by Wood on page 78 of CHESS, January 1952, but it has not been possible
to find any link between the quote and Amos Burn. In C.N. 4189, though, we noted
that page 2 of Chess Pie, 1936 had an article entitled ‘Humours
of Chess’ by E.B. Osborn (‘Literary Editor of the Morning Post’).
It concerned H.E. Bird (‘most lovable of all the old masters’),
with whom he was personally acquainted. Osborn remarked:
‘Dear Old Bird would say that he had hardly ever beaten a healthy
player.’
The question, therefore, is whether B.H. Wood, writing over a decade later,
had the Osborn article in mind but mistakenly referred to Burn instead of Bird.
Henry Edward Bird
C.N. 2118 quoted Charles Tomlinson from pages 54-55 of the February 1891 BCM:
‘Few men will admit the superiority of an opponent, and he who loses
finds generally something in himself to account for defeat; or, as Löwenthal
once remarked to me, “He always has a doctor’s certificate in
his pocket!”’
A standard primer on the subject is the chapter ‘Excuses for Losing Games’
on pages 191-200 of Chess Life-Pictures by G.A. MacDonnell (London, 1883).
The full text was cited in C.N. 4036, and some extracts are given here:
- ‘The excuses made by chessplayers for making bad moves and losing
games are of wonderful diversity. Sometimes they are ingenious and even rise
to the height of considerable imaginative power.
First let me notice the pre-prandial and post-prandial excuses. At one
time it is, “I cannot play because I have not had my dinner”;
and at another time, “I cannot play because I have had my dinner.”
I have never yet had the good or the ill fortune to engage one of these
gentlemen at the particular time when his chess powers were in real working
order; and as all time must either precede or follow dinner, I am at a loss
to conceive when such a player can conduct his game in a manner satisfactory
to himself.’ (page 191)
-
‘I am happy to say the old headache excuse has long since been worn
to shreds; so much so that no player, in London at all events, has the shamelessness
to put it forward. But I do sometimes hear a man say when losing, “I
can’t play today. I didn’t get to bed last night until 12”;
or, “No wonder I make such blunders; I was travelling by rail for
two hours yesterday.”’ (page 193)
-
‘In my young days I sometimes played an old gentleman to whom I gave
large odds and generally a beating. He never would resign until he was checkmated,
nor would he accept your resignation until the final coup was administered.
His excuse – his constant excuse was that he could not play because
people would open the door so often, and creak its hinges. One day, I remember
well, it thundered, and on that occasion only did he vary his excuse, charging
the atmosphere with his misfortunes.’ (pages 194-195)
-
‘“I cannot play with the black men, and so no wonder I have
lost.” Now this excuse in itself is childish, because a practical,
not to say a good, player ought not to let his skill be affected by the
colour of the pieces he manipulates.’ (page 196)
-
‘A funny, but by no means stupid, excuse for playing badly was lately
made by a young provincial friend of mine. He visited a club where I happened
to be present, and sat down to encounter a fifth-class player. After the
fight had lasted some time, I sauntered up to the board and asked my young
friend how he was getting on. “Oh”, said he, “very badly.
I cannot play with these pieces, they are so unlike those to which I am
accustomed; they are horrible.” “What”, enquired I, “is
the matter with them?” “Well”, replied he, “several
of the pieces, especially the kings and queens, are too like one another;
they are not sufficiently distinguished.” “True”, I rejoined,
“but they are quite as distinguished as the players.”’
(pages 197-198)
- ‘Some persons fairly attribute their bad moves to the light. They
cannot play if they happen to have the sun in their eyes. Others cannot play
with their backs to the light. Some persons are injuriously affected by gas,
and I know at least one first-class player who can play about a pawn and move
stronger when he has the sunlight. I know several players who find it impossible
to do justice to their powers if they have to play in a room ill-ventilated
or over-heated.’ (page 199)
George Alcock MacDonnell
This brief selection of quotes concludes with a slice of magisterial sarcasm
in a letter from Thomas Beeby to Hugh Alexander Kennedy dated 23 September 1848
and published in the Morning Post of 30 September 1848. The letter included
an offer by Beeby to put up funds for a match of 25 games between Kennedy and
Edward Lowe …
‘… such games to be published without note or comment, but upon
the express understanding that, whatever may be the result, we hear nothing
of indigestion, headache, indisposition, want of preparation, rust, or any
other excuse, however ingenious, as palliative of defeat.’
Source: An Account of the Late Chess Match Between Mr Howard Staunton and
Mr Lowe by T. Beeby (London, 1848), page 10.
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All articles by Edward
Winter
Edward
Winter is the editor of Chess
Notes, which was founded in January 1982 as "a forum for aficionados
to discuss all matters relating to the Royal Pastime". Since then nearly
6,000 items have been published, and the series has resulted in four books by
Winter: Chess
Explorations (1996), Kings,
Commoners and Knaves (1999), A
Chess Omnibus (2003) and Chess
Facts and Fables (2006). He is also the author of a monograph
on Capablanca (1989).
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