Some say Tuesday's presidential election was decided on Sunday when the Washington DC American football team lost. For the past 16 straight elections, when the Washington Redskins lose their last home game before an election, the incumbent President loses. On Sunday they lost to something called the Green Bay Packers, so clearly we will have President Kerry in 24 hours. Call us superstitious, but that method can't be any less bizarre than the American electoral college system.
One of the dozens of annoying cliches during this campaign was calling the election "chess versus checkers." Kerry, the intellectual elitist who loves complex problems and pondering deeply over subtleties. Bush, the simple, plainspoken and decisive everyman. There is some derivative truth to this analogy when you look at the electoral map. Checkers (draughts) has always been most popular in the American South and Midwest, both Bush strongholds. Kerry will sweep the North-east, where most American chessplayers reside.
On the other hand, we take this metaphor as something of an insult to checkers players. The game is far more complicated than most people think, and American checkers legend Marion Tinsley certainly deserves better than to be grouped with a man who cannot pronounce "nuclear." We've always thought of George W as a tic-tac-toe man for sure. Maybe this will change when checkers is finally solved by our friend Jonathan Schaeffer.
Now we have even more insight into the race for "leader of the free world," thanks to the hastily formed Chessplayers for Kerry. Though they are disguised in this photo for fear of Ashcroftian reprisal, we have nevertheless identified these ringleader/analysts. They are none other than three-quarters of the silver medal-winning US women's Olympiad team. (After all, gold is for Republicans.)
Chessplayers for Kerry? Silver medallists Jennifer Shahade, Anna Zatonskih, Irina Krush. Photo by French-speaking Canadian Pascal Charbonneau, a de facto subversive.
They bring us this exclusive score and analysis of a game between President Bush and John Kerry. You can replay and download the game here.
George W.,Bush - Kerry,John [A00]
Chessbase presents a super rare, until now secret chess game between George W. Bush and John Kerry. The thrust and analysis of the game is totally fair and balanced. (sponsored by Chessplayers for Kerry) Comments by the players are in quotation marks.
1.h4 1...e6 2.h5 d6 3.Rh4 Qxh4 4.a4 Nf6 5.a5 Ng8
"The difference between the president and I is that while he makes irrevocable pawn moves, I correct myself when I have moved my knight to the wrong square. Which is worse?"
6.Ra4 Qxa4 (D1) G.W's highly unusual twin tower sacrifice has left his position in shambles. After recognizing the tragic loss, his formidable team of seconds seize the opportunity to begin an unprecedented attack (relayed to Bush via hidden wire), which they call "Operation Cowboy"
7.Nc3 Qd4 8.b3 c6 9.Na4
In his comments to his unusual knight maneuver, Bush says : "My army is in mortal danger from the Rook on a8. We cannot wait for the Rook to explode, destroying our entire army instantly, but must immediately begin preemptive measures."
9...Nh6 10.Nb6 axb6 11.axb6 (D2)
"Did I make a mistake in the last couple moves? I don't think so...If I had to do it all over again, i wouldn't change a thing."- G.W.
11...Ng8 12.Nf3 Qg4 13.d3 Nf6 14.e4 Nbd7
(ed note- Here Karl Rove placed a rook on h4 when Kerry wasn't looking, thus trapping the black queen.)
15.Rh4!!?? Be7 16.Rxg4 Nxg4 17.Ke2 (D3)
"Time to develop my King! Screw the little people."
17...0-0 18.d4 e5! Starting to play like a President.
19.dxe5 dxe5 20.Kd3 Nc5+ 21.Kc4 Be6+ 22.Kb4 Nxe4+ 23.Qd6 Bxd6# 0-1
And John Kerry wins!
(Fox news contests Kerry's victory, failing to acknowledge checks delivered by black pieces.)